Archive for August, 2026
Forgiven and Forgiving
It seems lately like I only hear from people who once figured prominently in my life – say, old school friends or former work colleagues – online, and then often either by mistake (more on that shortly) or in response to something I posted on social media.
I tend to share things on Facebook from my other subscriptions – which are numerous, and I like to think they encompass a broad spectrum – that I think will be helpful to a reader or that particularly resonate with me. I try not to post about crimes, but some are so egregious they bear shining a light on them. I don’t post anything with the intent to provoke a discussion online, and although readers have generally been free to post on my page, I typically will not get drawn into a discussion via Facebook comments. I would love to have an outlet to actually discuss the issues of the day, IRL, but it seems we don’t do that anymore. Instead, everything we do is “coded” and open to interpretation, mostly wrong, by others.
I still have a foothold in my hometown, and surviving relatives close by. It used to be that when I would go “home” (which was often), when my parents were alive, I would run into people in the village and they would recognize me, often my friends’ parents, (or my parents’ friends), or occasionally one of my peers, who still lived there or was visiting too. Then over time, it stopped happening. These familiar people died, or they moved. The latter I believed were still the same people we always knew them to be. When those chance meetings would happen, it was like we were picking up a conversation where we left off, even if it had been many years in between.
Or at least that’s what normally would happen, at least in person, or over the phone. And usually all the good qualities that made us friends to begin with would be manifest, and cause me to cherish the reconnection and regret missed opportunities to spend time with this person. But then, sometimes it doesn’t work that way. Someone that I have known since middle school, that I became relatively closer to in high school and college, and into our 20’s, comes to mind. After that, they moved away and our main contact was when our friends got together for some occasion. This person I thought I knew posted something on my social media page, rather out of the blue, in response to an article I reposted. This post was so unexpectedly condescending and – at least by my standards – demeaning to the point of being vicious. It seemed that the person had not read the article, either, which made it seem all the more personal and not about the topic at hand.
It caused me to rethink whether I actually knew this person, or if I mentally sanded out their flaws, forgave and forgot their transgressions, and did not bar the door to them, literally or figuratively. It also presented me with a set of options that I all too frequently have to consider these days. Do I respond, and if so, publicly or privately? Ignore it? It was on my personal page, do I delete it? Block the person?
Everyone can have a bad day, I thought. Our social isolation, political polarization, just the trials of life can take a toll and cause us to do and say things we normally wouldn’t in a weak moment. Especially if we don’t actually see the recipient, if they have become an abstraction in a virtual world, not the friend you shared a part of your life with.
I thought about this again recently in light of a moment in church – one of my fellow parishioners made a comment during a conversation that was hurtful, albeit unintentionally and thoughtlessly hurtful. I think they realized it. I thought, I am going to let this go, this is what Christ commands, and I am going to give this person the space to be forgiven. And I did, and they did. Perhaps the knowledge that we were going to continue to see each other was a motivating factor. More likely because we were formed to be the kind of people compelled to recognize when we have erred, and the importance of addressing it.
The same remark, posted online, probably would have been far more damaging to a relationship. First of all, I would not necessarily see the poster again. They would not see my face, hear my voice, know they have hurt me. They would not see my reaction of a stance of forgiveness, either. It seems that everyone is easily offended, even eagerly offended, and yet not so eager to recognize when they have hurt someone, or to seek or accept forgiveness.
In our hyper-connected world, this sort of transgression happens constantly. It erodes our ability to deal with people, to develop trust, to behave according to civil norms. It leads to a sense of constantly being on the defensive against attack. Without gathering together, in person, we also descend into tribalism and demonizing ordinary people that we disagree with, to the point of descending into evil, rationalizing ever more sinful, even terrible acts against them. It can seem overwhelming and hopeless.
But it is not hopeless. As the body of Christ, the Church, Christians are given the most extraordinary gift, of forgiveness for our sins, so that we are reconciled to God. In their excellent book, Unforgivable? How God’s Forgiveness Transforms Our Lives, authors Ted Kober and Dr. Mark Rockenbach “explore forgiveness as the Bible defines it: a gift from God.” Whether the sinner, the sinned against, or both, even if we have been wronged (forgiveness is not condoning or excusing what the person did, it is not forgetting, and even forgiven sin is not devoid of consequences), even if they are unrepentant, overcoming unforgiveness is still possible. How can this be? “All things are possible with God.”
Unforgivable? How God’s Forgiveness Transforms Our Lives – Concordia Publishing House
We can forgive because we have been forgiven by God. We are sinners and need to repent of our sins and be reminded of the precious gift in our Baptism of this forgiveness. I can guess what you are thinking – but what about (fill in sin here)? How can I forgive that person? Why should I forgive? Will God forgive me if I don’t forgive someone who did something so terrible to me? What about abuse?
Forgiving others is a way to confess the Gospel. Things are not magically okay. We can still be hurt, and bear the scars of the transgression. But by confessing what Christ has done for us, that we only receive by faith, we are able to take that sin and give it to Jesus, who took all the sins of the world to the cross, bearing them in His own body for our salvation. Then He rose from the grave, justifying those who believe in Him.
The person who sinned against us may not repent, may not receive this message by faith, so they will not receive this gift of forgiveness. We pray that they will repent and receive God’s forgiveness. When we forgive, we demonstrate that we have faith in the Gospel.
Rev. Chad Lakies, who serves in Lutheran Hour Ministries and authored a booklet, “How To Forgive As We Have Been Forgiven” (www.lhm.org/projectconnect): ‘Lakies considers the highly charged and polarized world we live in and its extreme need for God’s grace, “a kind of grace that runs counter to the unkindness, discord, and brokenness all around us”, he writes (The Lutheran Layman, Fall 2025, p. 15). “God has dealt with our sins where we couldn’t…when we forgive others, they encounter Jesus and the grace of God in us.”
Purls Before Swine 